Mercury retrograde can be hell on relationships — here’s how to avoid destroying yours

The final Mercury retrograde of 2024 is upon us, folks.

As a personal planet, Mercury — which governs communication, currency, and exchange — has a direct bearing on our daily lives and intimate relationships.

As the fastest moving planet in our solar system, Mercury goes retrograde three to four times a year.

When you factor in the shadow period of the retrograde — and as a recovering goth kid, I always consider the shadow — humanity spends up to six months a year at the mercy of Mercury’s slowdown showdown.

Mercury, for the Romans or Hermes for the Greeks, was the messenger of the gods whose communicative route spanned from the ambrosia-suckling peaks of Mount Olympus to the maiden-snatching depths of the underworld.

How does Mercury retrograde affect us?

Similar in scope, the influence of Mercury can serve the lower modes of petty wrath or the better angels of poetry, understanding, and human communion. 

Due to the personal and proximal nature of Mercury, its retrograde is challenging for all of us — perhaps most especially for lovers and love seekers.

Indeed, 71% of those polled admitted that Mercury Retrograde hurts their love lives.

How long does Mercury retrograde last?

Mercury retrograde began on November 25th, and though the planet goes direct on December 15th, we’ll be under the influence of this transit until January 1st, when the coyote planet finally clears its post-retrograde shadow, also known as retro shade.

What sign is mercury retrograde in right now?

Right now, and through the first of the year, Mercury is retrograding and then retro shading in the sign of Sagittarius, encouraging existential musings, philosophical clashes, and questions of what love, freedom, partnership, and expansion look like in the broken world.

EVA AI, a leading digital duplicate company, comes correct with practical tips and compassionate answers for how we can all guard our relationships and keep the flame of love burning bright as butane during this season of high key f–kery.

Read on to learn more.

Forgiveness

The root of the word forgiveness comes from the Old English forgiefan meaning, “to give up the power to punish.” In this sense and during this transit, it is best to lay down your weapons of emotional warfare and grant grace, even when you’d rather spew rage.

EVA AI maintains, “During Mercury retrograde, mistakes aren’t just probable — they’re mandatory. Did you forget your anniversary? Did you send that sext to your stepmom by mistake? Cut yourself and your partner some slack. A little self-forgiveness goes a long way. If you can admit to the oops, you’re halfway to finding a fix. If you keep on the sunny side, mistakes are just plot twists in the rom-com of your relationship.”

In the words of my lion-hearted pal Ric Robertson, attempt to understand mishaps “as the twist but not the ending.”

Communicate openly and honestly

Mercury retrograde is notorious (and nefarious) for obscuring the simplest messages into ugly riddles, convoluted confessions, and inciting sentiments.

While Mercury loves stirring the proverbial pot, you can ensure the ingredients are clean.

EVA AI advises, “If something’s bothering you, share it. Use words, emojis, interpretive dance — whatever it takes to be clear. The goal here is to leave no room for misinterpretation.”

It is infinitely better to clearly overstate rather than vaguely offend.

Practice active listening

Mercury doesn’t only meddle with our messaging; it tests our patience.

This retrograde cycle I challenge you to practice active listening with your partner, particularly when the subject is difficult or emotionally activating.

By maintaining eye contact and keeping your damn mouth shut, you not only ensure that you hear your partner — but that your partner feels heard.

EVA AI shares, “Listen like your relationship depends on it (because it kind of does right now).”

When you respond (not react because active listening calls for measured commentary), steer clear of the ugly crutch of sarcasm or easy insults.

There is rarely a time when kindness is not called for.

Focus on the issue

When tensions run high, it’s easy to let “you forgot to take out the garbage” snowball into “you have never valued/cared/loved/supported me!”

EVA AI suggests, “Fight the problem, not your partner. Resist the urge to throw personal jabs and instead collaborate to identify and solve the true issue — whether it’s a miscommunication, a scheduling snafu, or a lack of quality time.”

Compromise

In the words of my former couples therapist, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be in a relationship?”

It turns out I wanted to be right, Dan.

I digress, during Mercury retrograde reducing arguments as win vs. lose is ultimately to the detriment of both parties. As EVA AI maintains, “Compromise isn’t losing; it’s loving.”

Embroider that s–t on a throw pillow and call it progress, folks.

Apologize sincerely  

EVA AI shares, “We’ve all been on the receiving end of a half-hearted ‘sorry,’ and it’s about as satisfying as decaf coffee or a half-hearted hand job. Own up to your mistakes, acknowledge the hurt you’ve caused, explain what happened (without excuses), and express your desire to make it right…on your partner’s timeline.”

Pro tip: using the word ‘but’ in an apology automatically negates it. Make sure you swallow your pride and mean it when you mea culpa.

Respect your partner’s boundaries  

Sometimes love looks like giving and taking space, folks.

EVA AI imparts, “During retrograde, everyone’s tolerance levels reach a troubling low. Respect your partner’s need for space, quiet, or even an evening of uninterrupted doom scrolling. Whether it’s emotional breathing room or a simple request for no deep conversations after 10 p.m., honoring boundaries equates to honoring your relationship.” 

Astrology 101: Your guide to the star

Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture, and personal experience. To book a reading, visit her website.